Xmas parties are as old, boring and British as dubstep, they have been around since like.. forever and it's the one night of the year where one is unofficially permitted to act like a twat infront of one's boss or management and vice versa. Coping off is encouraged, even expected and is almost more important than the alcohol itself. Considering 70% of my co-workers are dishonorables or members of the sex industry, it's no wonder that such acts of debauchery do occur, incestuously of course. It's all about giving a colleague a good old clocking in and out.
Rumors and speculation were rife. Who would ruin who? Fundamentally the odds were placed upon Ben getting with just about anyone. Ben is a plumber come barman come erotic dancer. He lives on a boat with a feral cat and wanks in other peoples houses. He has one of those waxed mustaches that those Dickheads in London sport. He is covered in tattoos and he has short legs thus he's deemed absolutely irresistible to every Bristolian girl aged between 14 and 18, especially the variety that have hello kitty bed sheets.
so it came as a bit of a suprise to find that Lora succumbed to his devilish charms. Lora, the girl with unbreachable petticoats. It was rather agreeable to witness Lora make a gallant out of Ben. Ben is very gallantly. It would appear her standards and taste have changed for she usually only goes for dwarves.
Will it last? I do hope not. All we need is a another incestuous romance. At this rate, the rota's sole purpose will serve to keep the multiple dishonorables from fiddling with each other during shifts.
Patrick and I have what is known as a Bromance which is essentially a relationship, comparable to the sort of relationship one had when one was 6 years old, the same age in which one believes kissing the opposite sex was 'gay' and holding hands gave one AIDS. He loves me and I love that he loves me. His role is to keep me fed and watered. My role is to offer guidance and support, for as soon as he's intoxicated, he's prone to get with anything, Im there to pick up the pieces and his chlamydia test results.
And in local news....
I receive too many moany complaints regarding equal opportunities or should I say lack of. Apparently I don't discuss gays enough/at all. So without further ado, allow me to present Bristols newest, hottest, best dressed Lesbian couple.
This union is fresh out of the oven. It's cute but just just like everyone else, I'm totally over it. I never saw it coming and usually I'm good at those sort of things like I totally knew Craig would end up with John paul.
Tabi's recent hair colour is grey. She dyed it grey for it co-ordinates with her granny chic bedroom. Pete spends most of his time taking photographs wearing Tabi's clothes, it makes sense for they are essentially the same size. It was her birthday the other day, I made her the best present ever. Unfortunately, she doesn't want it. For the past month, I've been staying at the back of Pete's gaff, I just forgot to tell her.
Will it last? I hope so, Non-vegan lesbians are hard to come by in Bristol.
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