Meet Pat.
I first met Patrick when I discovered he had been stalking me for three days.
When hes not pretending to not be postively homonormatively hetrosexual he's usually buying me food and levishing gifts upon me. He's the friend one wishes one was to others.
Patrick is ungraciously mainstream, in truth, I love it. I love his acute determination to aspire to look like an anemic member of JLS.
I took pity on the poor mite, I'm no physiatrist but Even I know wearing stonewash bootcut jeans in 2011 can get one sectioned under the mental health act. Secretly, between you and me, He even buys extra large condoms so even his member dons the boot cut.
It is said that I don't appreciate Patrick like I should, I mean sure
he treats me with respect, he says he loves me all the time, he calls me fifteen times a day and he likes to make sure I'm fine- I just wish he didn't make me feel like a Lilly Allen song.
When Patrick is not patronising the utter granny out of me, he's teaches me important life lessons of morality and virtue which one must value. I have learned many things from Patrick, I learned that one must treat others with respect at all times, even fat people. He's always correcting my erratic "Racism" and "Homophobia" because it's "wrong". He's even prohibited me from using the term "Fag hag"
He's just bitter because he doesn't have one.
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