Fights and Threesomes. A night at Calum's.

So, saturday night Calum decided to throw a party. It wasn't any particular occasion, it wasn't his Birthday or long awaited coming out party or anything it was just a planned night full of fun and frolics.

It wasn't about who was there, it was more about who wasn't. To my utter disappointment, Jess and Katie were complete no shows which is rather unfortunate for I have been having dishonorable thoughts about Jess this past week. Such thoughts occur rarely, thus potential opportunities have been lost.

I should really write Patrick a review considering we share 80% of our time together and we spoon with or without the presence of boners. His almost-but-not-yet-slice cut his hair before we went out thus he no longer looks like a candidate for www.lesbiansthatlooklikejustinbieber.com.

Since he was diagnosed Bi-polar [by me], he's truly gone off the rails. If he's not getting sacked on New Years Eve, he's making innocent Trannies cry in Yo yo burger. Who knows, maybe he ate Joanna's Pizza.

His behaviour on NYE didn't go without repercussions, thus he was removed from Thekla about 10 minutes after we entered, which resulted in us heading to the party far too early accompanied by Tom, who's current role in life is a self titled 'babysitter' and 'relationship counselor'

Illustration by Mariene Andrews

The party was luke warm when we arrived. There was a lot of sitting on stairs and standing in hallways. The party didn't kick off until 2.30am. The official launch was opened by a three way-(and ever-so public) Jizz fest involving Ben G, Calum and some girl who I can only guess must either been drinking Rohypnol-bombs or after long term guestlist at Thekla. Fortunately she looks nothing like the artist's impression.

The mood was set and people started to enjoy themselves. A generous lesbian gave out shrooms and Calum's room doubled as a brothel. Talbot arrived and assumed the positon of designated heavy. I took it upon myself to find a slice of my own, after Snidge issued me a Gok- It's all about the confidence-Gwan speech which worked positively well.