Slice Wars

slice |slīs|

Adjective

(of a person)Pleasing the senses, appealing to look at, texts one back, hates dubstep; sexually alluring: You should have seen the slice I eloped with last night. See note at FIT

ORIGIN Middle English (in the sense [fragment, splinter] ): reinvention of the Old Bristolian Fit ‘Fitty,’ from the noun Fitness.

There has been a lot of confusion about my use of the word 'slice'. Slice is the new word one should use when referring to any particular interest of lust one may have. Got it?

SO......

The other week I introduced two friends, Patrick and Abbie. (pictured above)Within the life time of a week, they decided to get gay and fall in love. They are now an all touching, all kissing spectacle of pure despair and woe for any persons dreading the 14th of this month.

I am proud Patrick has found a slice worthy of my stringent approval. There is nothing worse than friends that elope with persons that are hardly a crumb let alone a slice.

The hi-light of the weekend's series of fun and frolics included the return of a character from my past. Collins, The only person who has successfully broke my mind, Twice.

Less hi-lightable experiences include being exposed to the many sensational sounds of Patrick's....erotic extremities in action. In England, it is the custom to wait for one's friends to fall asleep before you indulge in unspeakable acts of lustful delights with one's slice, It's dishonorable to assume otherwise. Ew.

You may ask; 'If you are so brilliant in the art of slice selection, why don't you have a slice of your own?'

In truth, Bristol is a utopia raped of all qualities and positive attributes one wishes to find in a slice, true, slices can be found but none I feel appropriate for my personal irregular specifications.

Last night, semi-but not at all- heartbroken at a recent loss of a slice, I decided to cover Tom's shift in hope of finding a new one, more brilliant than the last. To my horror, no such slices desired to present themselves thus the search continues.

In other news, I irresponsibly spent my entire months wages the same day I recieved them. I bought a coat and some random dress from Urban outfitters. They were both in the sale so what evs.