Moving out.

I've decided that I want move out. I like living at home as everything is done for me, though I'm growing slightly disheartened by the state and appearance of the exterior of my home. It's looks more povo than a ASDA trolly full of economy products. It's as if my family are the Cunninghams from To kill the mockingbird. To make things a thousand times worse, My mother has bought the most grottiest looking caravan and placed it in the front garden, all we need is a big fat black Lesbian named Norma to live in it and we would be a family in Shameless. I'm pretty sure my family are closet Pikies.

The situation is, I don't currently have the necessary means to move out. There's no possible way I could sustain myself on the dire amount I get paid each month. I will need to re-review my options. The other option is squatting, but unfortunatley, I'm just not cool enough to squat, besides, I'm a bit addicted to running water thus squatting is never really going to work for me.

I may not have means to move out, But I've started to plan what I want to move into.

Firstly, I've decided ages ago that If I have to share a dwelling with anyone, that person will have to be Katie. It's been widely understood that Her and I sing from the same song sheet. It makes sense. She happens to be the only person I know besides me that hates Ikea and regardless that she works in Urban Outfitters, she's always had refined taste.

I've been collecting various pieces of furniture for a very long time now, but there is still things I on my list.

An Opium Table.

This darling piece of furniture is 19th century Opium table, in other words, a smack table.

Opium is the drug that Heroin , Methadone and Morphine are derived from. Since the invention of the petticoat, the upper classes couldn't get enough of it. London and other large cities housed multiple opium dens, a period crack den. This table sold for something stupid like £200, I missed the auction. I need one.

Surprisingly, Katie and I don't mix in social circles familiar with smack heads, though that being said, this table can still be the platform in-which one can abuse various substances.

Another quality is that Opium tables are low, thus one needs to lay on the floor , which is grand as it means one doesn't need to waste money on sofas or chairs, one can just arrange a selection of cushions and blankets and doss out, period style.

A tiger skin rug.

As I've already established, there will be copious amounts of floor sitting in my new pad, the floor must be highly decorated. Thats why such things like a Tiger skin rug is ideal. Plus it's head is good for placing one's phone/ash tray

This Tiger Skin didn't meet it's reserve at auction (£100) which is annoying as I want/need one.

A brothel chair.

I'm not sure what the correct name for this style of chair is but I'm pretty sure they were used to furnish period whore houses. Why? Well I've only ever seen them in period brothels. Belle's from Gone with the wind had one, so did Mrs cole's and Mrs Brown's from Fanny Hill. Like the opium table, its rather low to the floor, so the lounging maintains its continuity. Plus, Katie and I have various acquaintances with little or no morality so a brothel chair is rather appropriate for such company. I went to the auction but I didn't buy it, for I didn't have anywhere to put it.

A day bed.

Another piece of furniture that slipped through the my net. Day beds have a rather LOL history. The original purpose for the day bed was unique to women. During the Victorian period, they were referred to as 'Fainting Couches'. Women tended to lace their corsets too tight, thus women were prone to attacks of dizziness and feel faint, so the day bed became a retreat for these women as they could temporarily lay down until they felt better, as loosening one's laces was so mainstream. Those women were troopers.

If I had this day bed, I would call it the K-kouch. Katie and I know various degenerates, whom are prone to indulge in substances that, when taken to excess, disagree with them. It would be perfect for these individuals, for there's nothing worse than someone K-holing all over one's Tiger skin rug.